Ayuk Kure,
Lagos.
Zugaria is a small island off the west coast of Cameroon. It prides itself in being the largest exporter of crude oil, bitumen and gold in the East African sub-region. The country is also blessed with rich human resources and has for fifty years since its independence thrived under successive democratic governments.
A new president has now been elected to consolidate efforts at installing democracy as a permanent system of government in the country but it appears there has been a sudden turn of events. On September 1, 2017, the new leader gave the following address on national television:
“Ladies and gentlemen:
I’m not used to observing protocols but for the sake of civility, I will do that as this might point to you at the earliest opportunity the change that is about to come to our dear nation and the things you will all have to adjust to from today.
To begin with, I want to salute everyone listening to this broadcast via the radio, those watching on their television sets and most definitely, those of you with itchy fingers who spend half of your life-time on the internet surfing for God knows what. Matters came to a head recently when a group called ‘The Congress of National Agitators’ tabled before the Federal Assembly a petition requesting that I present an agenda for my administration or resign. This press conference is therefore held in response to their numerous demands.
I have taken time to personally formulate the policies by which this prestigious administration shall be run and I have reduced same into a three point agenda which shall serve as the bulwark of the new Zugaria which we intend to evolve.
First and foremost, let me introduce myself: my name is Rahman Kunalele alias ‘Di Presido’, Great Grand Commander of the Federal Republic (GGCFR). As you would observe, the appendage to my name is not such as have been heard before. Well, this is what I shall go by from today and if you have a problem with that you can put it in black and white and I will have my boys resolve your issue with immediate alacrity. I know the appendage is obviously in contrast with the ones you gave my predecessors i.e. Grand Commander of the Federal Republic (GCFR) but I have decided to take this because a man of my caliber and class cannot take such a demeaning title which should be given to peasant farmers alone.
In order not to beat about the bush and to in fact strike the metal while it is still hot, I have decided to transform myself into a life president. I shall be your president until the day the bull grows beards. The Country shall from this time onward be governed by the tenets of my agenda and to that extent the constitution of Zugaria stands suspended and all existing laws save those expressly made by my government stand annulled. Hence the decrees from my mouth no matter how obnoxious shall be the supreme law and liable to be obeyed by all.
The second on the agenda is the electrification of the Zuga Villa. From today onward, the Federal Electric Power Authority (FEPA) ceases to be a public property. My boys shall take control of its management. Although it was not my initial plan to do this but I realized that many Zugarians misuse the power supplied to them on a daily basis. Some, if not all keep their bulbs switched on in the day time until the bulbs begin to look like roasted chicken. Others simply over-load the current supplied to their houses by using all manner of electrical appliances which voltage beat the power supplied to their homes, most of the time causing damage to our power stations in Niger and Ogun municipalities. This being the case, I have decided to cut all power supplies to all parts of the Country except the Zuga Villa, my personal residence. The FEPA whose job it is to distribute power to all parts of the country will be made to serve my purpose alone.
Perhaps you may want to ask: “how would the citizens who voted you into power cope without electricity supply?” Oh friends! There is no need to panic as I have made ready provisions for that. I intend to build a multimillion naira corporation whose sole duty shall be candle production. Enough candle sticks shall be produced to serve each family on a daily basis. I guess I deserve applause for that. However, let me make it clear that the candle sticks will only be given to families whose bread winners agree to become my errand boys.
The third on my agenda is a very striking issue; it is in fact the most important of them all. It is the 35% affirmative action for Zugarian women. I overheard a group of women last week on Zugaria Television Authority (ZTA) saying that the president must give them 35% representation in all spheres of the social, economic and political life of the Country. Ah! It was as if they read just what was on my mind. Women! I intend to give you just that! In fact I shall make it 85% as against the 35% you are advocating for. The truth is, a man of my social ranking needs more than 10 wives as I have them now. You see, by giving the women 85% affirmative action it will afford me the opportunity to increase the number of my wives who will bear me children that will manage the Central Bank, the Zugarian National Petroleum Corporation and other big corporations located all over the Country. I can’t even bear the thought that there once existed a man with 300 wives and 700 concubines. I intend to beat this record by yielding to the demands of the women. I know that the women of this blessed Nation will be pleased with this announcement.
Finally, this is a warning to all those who will feel offended by this broadcast and would want to rebel against me. I have this to say to you: if you think you can rebel against me then you better think twice as I will treat you like the rebels you are. In case you don’t know, I have a standing army of about 2 million battalions. Their teeth are set on edge ready to kill whosoever I order them to. They are specially trained overseas to annihilate. Their guns have never missed a target! I must be sincere with you all; it will not take me more than 24 hours to destroy those who will rebel against my regime. From the West I will unleash an artillery attack on them that will break their encirclement and cause confusion in their midst and if they flee to the East, I will order my men there to launch another attack on them with heavy machine guns and double barreled rifles to totally disengage their formidable forces. However, if they manage to gain resistance against my destructive mechanisms and most probably escape to the North or South, I will trample them there under foot by deploying highly sensitive explosives like the atomic and nuclear bombs to totally discomfit them. Tell me people, who will escape this?
In conclusion, my dear people, all that I have said thus far is a summary of my vision statement. This is how I intend to bring about change, radical change which you all long to see. If you submit to my government, you will have nothing to worry about.
Ladies and gentlemen thank you for your time”.
In view of the above, many lawyers in the country have argued for and against the address of the president. Those who argue in support say that in any nation, the president is the supreme leader and has the power to determine how his government is run. Those who argue against say that the constitution of Zugaria is supreme and everyone who presides over the affairs of the nation must rule according to its dictates.
- Since the Zugarian constitution is in pari materia with the Nigerian constitution, you have been consulted as a constitutional lawyer to give your opinion on the legality of the president’s speech.
- Do you agree with the approach the president intends to adopt in giving the Zugarian women 35% affirmative action? If you disagree, how can women’s rights be promoted?
- Do you agree with the way the president intends to handle the opposition? If you disagree, how should the opposition be handled?
- Mention 5 ways democracy can be permanently entrenched in the island of Zugaria.
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