Can a Man Rape his Wife?

By 

Nwokocha Chidinma Grace

Benny sat on the bed lost in thoughts. It was 2:00am and he was finding it very difficult to sleep. The previous night was the worst ever. His wife had once again denied him sexual intercourse. What could possibly be wrong with him? Wasn’t he man enough or was he not good enough for her? He has tried his best to be romantic.  Before his attempt to demand his right, he had decorated the room with flowers and ribbons and had installed party lights in the room. But she was unyielding, and had fought him off violently.  He had sustained injuries in the process, but the injuries did not bother him. His manhood was hurting and he knew sooner or later, he would have to do something to quench the fire in his bossom.

There was however something Benny did not know about his wife or any other person for that matter. It was something she had kept secret for long. If Benny knew about it, he would probably have not contracted the marriage. This is what was now threatening the marriage and happiness of the couple.

Shirley was born into a family of 9 children who were all girls. She was the 9th and only product of the marriage. The other girls were all products of her father’s philandering. At her birth, her father felt he had had enough.  9 daughters and no son! He was fed up! What had he done that he should be so punished? Not even an imbecile for a son? He blamed his wife all year round and fused about everything she did.

One day, the family woke up to the news that the man of the house was gone! He left a note saying that he was leaving and that nobody should bother looking for him. The family worried for a while, until after few months when they discovered his dead body in the Lagos Lagoon. The family mourned him for days and afterwards life returned to normal again. By this time, Shirley was 2 years old.

With the only male in the family gone, Shirley grew up with just her mother and sisters around.  Her mother refused to re-marry and she single-handedly raised her daughters. They were not allowed to mingle with neighbours, especially the male folks and she in particular, attended an all girls school, right up to secondary school.

She fell in love and had her first relationship in her final year in secondary school, when the boys from King’s College met her school in a debate competition. She had admired the Chief speaker of King’s College team. He was tall, handsome and muscular and spoke with so much confidence that the audience was held spell bound by his flawless presentation. She had taken a mental note of him and had congratulated him after the competition. They exchanged contacts and they kept in touch afterwards. One thing led to the other and they started dating and meeting at secluded places and venues.

That was her first. By the time she was in her third year in the University, she had been in and out of 5 relationships.  The first three had been a no sex relationship.  She was a virgin and head sworn to remain so till her wedding night. The first three guys had cheated on her with many different girls and had left the relationship.  And so, when she fell in love with the fourth guy, she decided to break the jinx. Alas! Sex could not keep him either. She ended up losing him to the arms of another girl. The fifth was the most painful.  She did everything to please him: sex, food, etc. She practically lived with him and performed wifely duties in spite of repeated warnings from concerned friends who told her not to throw herself cheaply at the guy. She remained adamant hoping that he would one day propose to her, and cement the relationship but she was to get the biggest shocker of her life. She was just preparing to have dinner one evening when her roommate, Stephanie walked into the room with a wedding invitation –her man was getting married to her best friend, Uju! Shirley only woke up the next morning to discover that she had cried herself to sleep.  As she lay in Stephanie's arms who had lulled her to bed the previous night, she felt some kind of warmness, a feeling she had never had with any of the guys she had been intimate with. She longed for more warmth. Slowly she inched closer to her roommate who reciprocated and began to caress her thighs, up to her laps and further up to her but, removing every item of clothing, until they both lay on the bed, naked...and then it happened. ..Shirley felt it was good.  She was relieved.  From that day onwards, they became closer and closer. To Shirley, she had given up on guys. There was no going back! She would explore other means of getting sexual satisfaction.  Stephanie seemed a good option and she soon got very fond of her.

Shirley met Benny during her service year. They had met at a friend's wedding.  He was the best man and she was the chief bridesmaid.  They had become friends but he wanted more. She would have none of that, not after all she had been through in the hands of guys. He persisted and when she still refused, he went to see her family.  Her mother would have none of her excuses. She was ripe for marriage and needed to settle down. He elder sisters were married and she would be no exception.  Poor Shirley, how could she tell her mother that she would rather have sex with ladies than get married and have children. It was an abomination in her culture and she knew very well the implications.  Reluctantly, she consented to the union and a date was fixed for the wedding.

This was three months since they got married and they had had sex for just one night, the wedding night. She didn’t seem pleased with it and he had apologized profusely for not meeting up to expectation. His subsequent move to redeem his manhood had been met with resistance and things had subsequently moved from bad to worse. They slept in various rooms and only saw each other occasionally although she still cooked his meals. Benny continued staring at the ceiling in deep thought, his thoughts constantly interrupted by the sounds of worshippers holding their vigil. This was a night in many nights when he had once again tried unsuccessfully to gain access to his wife but to no avail. He gave up and went to his room to sulk for the rest of the night.

The next morning, he had dressed up for work as usual. His wife informed him that she was down with fever and would be indoors for the rest of the day. He had his breakfast and left for the office. By mid day, he was informed that they would be having an impromptu meeting with a client who just came into the country. He hadn’t come to the office with the file as the meeting was scheduled originally for the next week and needed to rush back home to get the client's file and other related documents. Getting home, the front door was slightly closed, but not locked. There was a female shoe at the doorstep.  He heard voices from the guest room. In order not to create awareness of his presence, he tiptoed to the back yard and peeped through the window of the guest room.  What he saw shocked him to the bones and made him speechless. There was his wife and another lady, watching lesbian porn and having sex with a dildo. He tiptoed to his room upstairs, picked up the documents and headed back to the office.

Back in the office he narrated his ordeals to Steve, his friend and colleague at the office.  Steve was shocked but advised that the only way he could get her to forget women was to have sex with her. He just had to do it anyhow. And so he had come back from work that day and in the night as usual, demanded his conjugal rights.  She had barely started resisting again when he pounced on her like a hungry lion, tore off her clothes and had sex with her.

Shirley feels hurt and her pride wounded.  She is contemplating instituting an action against her husband for rape. Her husband on the other hand is threatening to expose her lesbian activities to her family members and the entire community.  Advise them on the following issues:

1. Whether a husband can be said to rape his wife under the Nigerian Law

2. The restrictions on homosexuality and the consequences of being caught.

3. Whether Steve qualifies as a party to the alleged offence of rape.